An Exciting New Project

Dear Friends:

I've definitely enjoyed my travel blog and am now putting some of my writing into a travel book.  

But all good things come to an end, and the blog at www.ellenboneparth.com is closing down.

I am moving myself and you to something new and wonderful.  Please check out:

www.womensgivingtree.org

I am trying to educate you and others about NGOs around the developing world that are serving women and their families.  There is some amazing work taking place in some of the neediest countries.

Emails featuring two NGOs will come out only once a month.  And if you are not interested, please go to the web site above and unsubscribe.

Thank you from my heart for the time you gave to my blog. 

Gratitude and Commerce

The Cafe

The place is totally California.  There are 15 Cafe Gratitudes around the Bay Area.  

They celebrate the abundance of life -- in their own way.  Here's the description from the Cafe's home page: "Café Gratitude is our expression of a world of plenty. Our food and people are a celebration of our aliveness. We select the finest organic ingredients to honor the earth and ourselves, as we are one and the same. We support local farmers, sustainable agriculture and environmentally friendly products. Our food is prepared with love. We invite you to step inside and enjoy being someone that chooses: loving your life, adoring yourself, accepting the world, being generous and grateful every day, and experiencing being provided for. Have fun and enjoy being nourished."

Sounds good, doesn't it?  How could you be against these things?

A Natural Lunch

What about the food?  After all, the cafe is a restaurant.  Dishes are labeled with "gratitude" names -- I am blessed, I am blissful, I am joyous, etc.  The food is made not merely from organic products but from natural products -- I think that means food that has not gone through any processing.

I was invited to Cafe Gratitude in Healdsburg, CA, for a belated birthday lunch.  The atmosphere was gentle -- long, natural tables for shared seating, signs proclaiming gratitude on the walls, and best of all warm, welcoming staff who feel blessed they work there.

I had some trouble choosing from the menu.  The dishes were mostly made from raw products.  It was a cold, rainy day but there was only one hot thing on the menu -- a bowl of broccoli soup.  Since my friend ordered the soup, I tried a dish made with raw rice from Bhutan and kale.  I managed to eat half of it before I gave up.  My friend's curried raw rice dish was a bit tastier.  I wasn't tempted by dessert at the cafe (no sugar around), but I did enjoy a complimentary taste of almond milk and apricots offered by our waiter.  I wouldn't eat there again but it was an experience.

Selling Gratitude

Unfortunately, what has struck me more than anything about Cafe Gratitude is how gratitude has been bound up with commercialism.  At the cafe, you could play or buy a gratitude board game, raw food products, a cook book, "happy" trinkets.  On the web site, you can find gratitude events, workshops, a store, catering service, even an Open Mike night in San Rafael.

This diffusion of "abundance" through commerce turns me off.  To me, gratitude should be based on simplicity, not food supplements.  I don't think we can learn gratitude through books or repetition of blessings.  I agree with the idea of  "loving your life, adoring yourself, accepting the world, being generous and grateful every day, and experiencing being provided for."   I also agree we should treasure healthy meals.  BUT I don't think we need to make a community, network, business out of it.  Most of the time I'm grateful for quiet, privacy, contemplation, moderation, simplicity.  And, from time to time, I'm also grateful for sauces, alcohol, and sweets. 

For me, gratitude is not a New Age mantra.  It's simply a matter of counting my blessings -- without wearing them on a tee shirt.  How old-fashioned can you get?

The Parson and Arson

This is a story from my neighborhood in Santa Rosa.  I'm not sure about all the details, but I want to share with you the heart of the story.

The Church

Many years ago, a parson bought an old, modest, church on Cherry Street, around the corner from where I live, fixed it up and began tending his flock.  Over the years, the church flourished, then faded, then came back, then faded out again.  When we moved to our neighborhood ten years ago, the church was in disrepair but, from the outside, still a lovely building.  A new set of people took over the church, now run by a nonprofit that has the deceased parson's relatives on the board.  Today, the church looks attractive, inside and out.

Behind the church sat the old parsonage house, a rickety two-story building with a veranda fronting the upper story and stairs going up from the street.  The church allowed the parson's grandson, Walter, to live in the rundown parsonage with his partner Bevy who has a medical disability related to polio in her youth  As Bevy, with amazing cheer, puts it, ""I struggled my way out of a wheelchair when I was a child and now I'm struggling my way back into one."  Walt and Bevy were slowly fixing up the house -- but had a long way to go.

Arson

Several weeks ago, when Walt and Bevy were out listening to Irish musician friends playing locally, an arsonist set fire to a garbage can underneath the veranda of the parsonage.  The arsonist was on a rampage, committing the same crime at two other houses in downtown Santa Rosa.  The parsonage burned.  Fortunately, the Fire Department put out the fire before the bulding came down but left a black, smoldering mess.  Walt and Bevy lost a great deal -- most of their belongings and all their pets.  They put a sign outside the ruin which says "ARSON -- Humans are safe, animals passed away."

Walt and Bevy

A friend and neighbor wrote this description of Walt and Bevy. 

"Walter and Bevy are local creatives active in the neighborhood for many years.  They were once the storeowners of Animé Baka, a place that sold art, animation and comic books.  The Mendocino Avenue location was a place for creative young people and artists and Bevy and Walter helped at least one homeless couple, artist Dave Lloyd and Ruth Anne Grogan off the street during those years.  Since the closing of their store they have continued the Animé Club by Internet and by hosting potlucks and movie nights. All of this was accomplished while living with Bevy’s disability.  It was because of her compromised mobility that the neighborhood was particularly worried the night of the fire.   Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when they found that Bevy and Walter had been out seeing the Irish Band 4 Shillings Short when the fire started.  Sadly none of their five cats, nor their dog survived and very little of their belongings."

Walt and Bevy had no fire insurance.  They also had no place to go.  The Red Cross put them up in a motel for several nights and ultimately they found a place to rent.

Our neighborhood swang into action.  I was amazed by the response.  While we have been trying to develop neighborliness in recent years through our neighborhood association, I never expected many people to come to the aid of Walt and Bevy.  

We had an email list for many in the neighborhood, so Jim, our neighborhood association president, sent out a message about the fire with warnings to residents not to leave out garbage cans.  He described Walt and Bevy's difficulties.  Soon people were volunteering to send money and pay for a large dumpster for black timbers and other refuse from the fire.  Other neighbors got together to help put boards over the broken windows and to block off the collapsed staircase so kids would not try to play at the ruined building and get hurt.

The Orchard Street Church

Next, some neighbors, who live in another church building three streets away that now stands as a private home, got into action.  The owners, Linda and Cheryl, of this church/home use the space of the former sanctuary as a performance hall for music and performance art.  Here's their description of their church/home.  

"The teal church on Orchard was, for many years a place of worship.  Since 1913 it’s been 7th Day Adventist, Jewish Synagogue, Church of Religious Science, and some say Mormon Temple.  In the late 1980’s 515 Orchard became a residence and was a favorite party and music spot for the neighborhood hosted by then owner Peter Eirmann who loved to play jazz and his poet partner AnneMarie Ginella.
In 2007 performers Cheryl Ulrich and Linda Rose-McRoy combined their small nest eggs to purchase the building and reside there with artist Erik Paul.  At that time the mission began:  To cultivate original work in all mediums."

Linda and Cheryl knew Walt and Bevy and conceived of the idea of putting on a benefit concert for them.  The Irish musicians agreed to come back to town and donate their services as did several other local musicians.

A Neighborhood Happening

Pretty soon, people were collecting clothes for Walt and Bevy, who sent out emails describing their needs and clothing sizes.   People wrote checks for Walt and Bevy and sent them to the address of the burned parsonage; happily, the Post Office is holding Walt and Bevy's mail so they can collect mailed contributions every day.  Then people started organizing the benefit concert -- volunteering to make refreshments, serve as ushers, do publicity.

The concert took place on a Sunday night.  It was a full house -- perhaps 70 people paying a donation of $20 or more.  The music was fantastic, as were the refreshments.  Walt and Bevy, arm and arm, sat on a couch to listen to their friends play.  They looked happy.  Linda wrote in a note to them after the concert,  "Thanks Bevy and Walter for what you have sustained and what you contributed even in loss."

I don't know what will happen to the parsonage, but it looks nearly impossible to rebuild.  I hope that whatever replaces the parsonage is built in a style compatible with that of the church.

I have thought a lot about the arsonist.  He choose to irrevocably change the lives of good people who lost a lot they can never replace.  Arson reminds us there can be sickness in the human spirit.  

The neighborhood coming together for Walt and Bevy, people they barely knew, reminds us that the human spirit can extend beyond one's front door, sidewalk, and street to the people around the corner we hardly know, if at all, but who did good for others and deserved the goodness of their neighbor's hearts.

Equality Farce on March 8, 2009

Views of ESL Students


Today I participated in an adult ESL class that contained immigrants from Latin America, Asia, Africa, the Middle East and Europe.  The 25 adults discussed, in limited English, their culture's view of women's and men's roles in the home.  The sexual division of labor was universal with women overwhelminigly responsible for homemaking and men contributing very little. 

We then got onto the subject of parents' preferences for the sex of their children.  All the students agreed that in their culture boys were a strong favorite over girls.  Finally, we discussed marriage.  The students proclaimed that in their cultures men have the power and decisionmaking roles in marriage -- not women.

This is not a big shock.  Clearly, gender equality is far ahead in the US and Europe compared to the rest of the world.  

Views in WWW.WorldPublicOpinion.Org


What is a shock is today's reporting on global attitudes toward gender equality and the alleged progress women are making.  Consider the poll just released by the University of Maryland's Program on International Policy Attitudes (PIPA) on www.worldpublicopinion.org.  The poll considered attitudes in 22 countries from all over the world and at all levels of development.  It found that:

• Large majorities in all nations favor equal rights for women and most perceive that women have been gaining greater equality;

• Majorities in all nations say that the government should actively work to prevent discrimination against women, and in many nations there is a broad desire for their government to make greater efforts;

• There is robust support for the UN playing an active role in promoting women’s rights;

• Many see discrimination against widows and divorced women in their country.

Sounds good, doesn't it?  Yet the attitudes expressed have nothing to do with reallity.  That being the case, what is the value of putting out such surveys?  That was the question I asked myself as I read.

Peter Singer Comments

Professor Peter Singer, a world renowned bioethicist from Princeton University, asked the same question about the above survey.  Comparing racism and sexism, he finds that "no country openly accepts racist doctrines.  Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about equal rights for women."

Singer goes on to discuss rhetoric versus reality.  

"In Saudi Arabia, women are not even permitted to drive a car, let alone vote. In many other countries, too, whatever people may say about gender equality, the reality is that women are far from having equal rights.  This may mean that the surveys I have quoted indicate not widespread equality, but widespread hypocrisy. Nevertheless, hypocrisy is the tribute that vice pays to virtue, and the fact that racists and sexists must pay this tribute is an indication of some moral progress."

Singer concedes that paying lip service to equality may have some value because "public acceptance of ideas is itself progress of a kind."   He then urges we "close the gaps that still exist between rhetoric and reality."  Singer ends up saying "we should greet the poll results positively."
 

Reality, Please

I would argue the opposite.  On International Women's Day, we need to publicize the reality, not the rhetoric.
 
I find it absurd to applaud scientific polls saying the world is increasingly for gender equality and ignore the reality.  Even my non-English speaking students can attest to the farce of equality.

Happy International Women's Day.


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